Comfortable Hell

You are faithful. Always there. I can hear you knocking on my door. The pounding in the back of my heart echoes in my head. Panic sets in. My thoughts get lost in the promises you made to me. Swimming in my head constantly with no sign of stopping.

When will this feeling go away? When do I get you out of my head? How much longer can I stand alone and be strong? When do I hate you? When does my soul stop hurting?

I know I can throw myself down that mountain. Right into the hell only you can give me. Comfortable hell.

I cant answer the door. But I know your there. You will always be there. Waiting for me.

You are hard to forget. Hard to turn away from. You remind of the way we were. You tell me you can help. No one loves me like you do, you say. You tell me you know I am scared and alone, life without you isnt better.

But there I sit with my back to you. And yet you still knock on my door. Sometimes you are quiet. Silently tapping. But other times I can hear you screaming let me in. I cant.

I cant let you in. I cant let you take me down. Down into that comfortable hell that only you and I know.

You are so very toxic for me. You are not my friend. There is no love. You make me hate myself. You make me hate everyone else.

So I have to be strong, keep my back to you. I will not go into that comfortable hell. Not today. I will be strong. I wont answer the door.