Dreams

Last night the nightmares that filled my head were so real.

I had a dream I was betrayed in the worst ways possible, then I gave up.

I couldnt figure out who it was that hurt me the most. The one who betrayed me, the one who walked away or the one who beat me and left me for dead. But even still it all hurt very much.

There is a lot to be said about dreams and their meanings. Some have hidden meanings and some are just so apparent that it doesnt take a genius.

My dream last night had all the elements of a Hollywood blockbuster and is obviously a direct reflection of my fears. Being betrayed by my best friend, being left behind by the one I care for, and being physically beaten by the one I left behind. Not exactly a revelation on my part. But it was disturbing just the same.

The Betrayal

The betrayal came from someone very close to me. And reflective of real life it hurt. But there was amends made and promises to make it right and make it better. Yet sometimes, like everyone who has had there trust broken, I cant help but wonder if it will stick.

The Heartbreak

I was left behind by someone I really care about. The reason was that this person refused to deal with the situation at hand any longer. I have analyzed this part of my dream to absolute death. Is it being alone that I fear or is it something else? I came to the conclusion that nobody wants to walk alone in this world. But to settle for a mediocre partner is cheating oneself and the other person out of something great. I dont fear being alone. I am ok with that. Even at peace in a lot of ways. But I do fear that as much as I want things to work, due to the circumstances. He will walk away.

The Violence

Now for obvious reasons, those who know me know that this is a valid fear of mine. In my dream I was beaten senseless. Some would say that isnt possible, but I digress. I was violently beaten and left for dead by the one that I have escaped from. I cannot ever deny that the fear of that person does not exist inside me in reality. There is a fear and sometimes with fear there is power.

I honestly think that the point my subconscious was trying to get me to in this dream had nothing to do with the 3 people involved. But had everything to do with the fact that in the end, I gave up. I just laid there and waited to die. Why would anyone just give up? I had forces against me. Things did not go in my favor, and I just rolled over and gave up.

Well I guess we could call that my dress rehearsal. Its time for the show in this play we call life. And the script has been rewritten!